"Perhaps, I was born with curiosity."

Jessica Silas. 24. Outspoken Vegan. Outspoken Atheist. Funky Dresser. Biophile. Anarchist

“They know I am more than some eager blood, not some average bones. I believe in love. I just want to prove that I deserve this gift. I will change this world. Baby, this is it.”
Perhaps, I was born with curiosity.
Ok. So. Wow. I’m sorry that I keep doing this…It’s probably really annoying but it’s pretty much the biggest deal ever in my head and it’s hard for me not to talk about it. This was my body. I don’t think I’ve ever shown a picture of my body before I lost weight. It freaks me out to show you. I have/had/am working through some really serious body issues. I didn’t realize how bad they were before but now that some of them don’t apply anymore, I’m realizing how enjoyable life really is. It’s sad that I feel this way. I mean, weight shouldn’t have an impact on my happiness but it really did. I felt like my weight was a weakness. I felt like people had a reason to look down on me and boy, did they. It was shitty. Really shitty. It sucks that your friend will always try to make you feel good about yourself but then, the instant she’s mad, will call you fat. It sucks that guys that like you get called “chubby chaser” until they magically don’t anymore. It fucking sucks when you know you are supposed to dress nice for something but nothing nice fits you so you go in something you absolutely hate. It sucks when you tell someone that you are a vegetarian and they say, “I thought vegetarians were skinny” or “You’re the fattest vegetarian I’ve ever seen.” It really stings when someone says “Do you really need to eat that?” Or when a saleswoman tells you what is and isn’t slimming without you asking. Or when they tell you right off the bat that they probably don’t have your size….like that doesn’t hurt enough already? It all hurts. People don’t understand. People make it into a very painful and shameful experience. I’m literally crying right now, just thinking about it. I’m not blaming them because I ultimately should have said “Fuck off,” it just wasn’t that easy. So, to finally be rid of those terrible feelings is so….exhilarating. I just hate that those feelings only disappeared for me. Nothing has changed about the world, I changed. I hate it. It’s not fair that people have to deal with this kind of bullshit. I mean, who fucking cares how much someone weighs? It’s crazy. Just because the person you saw in Cosmo or on Americas Next Top Model was thin, doesn’t mean that that’s the only way to be attractive. Who fucking cares? I don’t understand why people are so intent on judging other people. We fucking love it. Let’s be honest. We do it to feel better about ourselves but it just hurts other people and, in turn, it hurts us. Why else would everyone feel so shitty about themselves? We hate ourselves because we are too fat or too thin. We hate ourselves because we are too dark or too pale. We hate ourselves because of our teeth, or our lips, or our eyes. Those with straight hair want curly hair and those with curly hair would kill for straight. We can be too tall or too short. We have put all of these restrictions on ourselves and it doesn’t allow us to see ourselves at all. When we look in the mirror now, it seems like all we see is everyone else. We should really stop that.

View in High Quality →

Ok. So. Wow. I’m sorry that I keep doing this…It’s probably really annoying but it’s pretty much the biggest deal ever in my head and it’s hard for me not to talk about it.

This was my body. I don’t think I’ve ever shown a picture of my body before I lost weight. It freaks me out to show you. I have/had/am working through some really serious body issues. I didn’t realize how bad they were before but now that some of them don’t apply anymore, I’m realizing how enjoyable life really is. It’s sad that I feel this way. I mean, weight shouldn’t have an impact on my happiness but it really did. I felt like my weight was a weakness. I felt like people had a reason to look down on me and boy, did they. It was shitty. Really shitty.

It sucks that your friend will always try to make you feel good about yourself but then, the instant she’s mad, will call you fat. It sucks that guys that like you get called “chubby chaser” until they magically don’t anymore. It fucking sucks when you know you are supposed to dress nice for something but nothing nice fits you so you go in something you absolutely hate. It sucks when you tell someone that you are a vegetarian and they say, “I thought vegetarians were skinny” or “You’re the fattest vegetarian I’ve ever seen.” It really stings when someone says “Do you really need to eat that?” Or when a saleswoman tells you what is and isn’t slimming without you asking. Or when they tell you right off the bat that they probably don’t have your size….like that doesn’t hurt enough already?

It all hurts. People don’t understand. People make it into a very painful and shameful experience. I’m literally crying right now, just thinking about it. I’m not blaming them because I ultimately should have said “Fuck off,” it just wasn’t that easy.

So, to finally be rid of those terrible feelings is so….exhilarating. I just hate that those feelings only disappeared for me. Nothing has changed about the world, I changed. I hate it. It’s not fair that people have to deal with this kind of bullshit. I mean, who fucking cares how much someone weighs? It’s crazy. Just because the person you saw in Cosmo or on Americas Next Top Model was thin, doesn’t mean that that’s the only way to be attractive. Who fucking cares? I don’t understand why people are so intent on judging other people. We fucking love it. Let’s be honest.

We do it to feel better about ourselves but it just hurts other people and, in turn, it hurts us. Why else would everyone feel so shitty about themselves? We hate ourselves because we are too fat or too thin. We hate ourselves because we are too dark or too pale. We hate ourselves because of our teeth, or our lips, or our eyes. Those with straight hair want curly hair and those with curly hair would kill for straight. We can be too tall or too short. We have put all of these restrictions on ourselves and it doesn’t allow us to see ourselves at all.

When we look in the mirror now, it seems like all we see is everyone else.

We should really stop that.

♥ Oct 29th at 5PM / tagged: rant. / reblog / 16 notes
  1. jettavegas reblogged this from deepwithfuture and added:
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  2. therecipe said: You have forever been adorable imo.
  3. krthing said: You are very pretty in both photographs. It’s awesome that you’re happier about yourself now :) Self-acceptance often includes changing, and we do what we can to be able to survive in this shitty society where someone’s natural size can be a slur
  4. deepwithfuture posted this